Snow themed pictures on a snowy day here in Maine. I guess these pictures represent the overall feeling I'd like to have at the end of 2009. I am ready for some calm, peace, drama free and trauma free time. While I know I am lucky as can be and things could always be so much worse, I also know I have to allow myself the ability to take in some of the pain, 
grief and stress I've had, reflect upon it, be thankful for what I have and move forward. If it were only that easy.
We're all starting our resolutions. Jeff and I each have about 13. I found my myself taking away many of the resolutions that caused me to have to measure a success (or failure) and found myself adding more that caused joy or self improvement. Jeff made a comment about last year's resolutions and how he only finished one. That really sparked something inside of me. I was very passionate about.. "why is that a failure?" "Let's celebrate how much of it you DID complete!" He had resolutions such as read 10 books or earn $10K at his second job at domino's. While he didn't complete either, he was close and they motivated him. I think that in all the years I knew Jeff before that he'd read maybe 10 books combined, so 6 or 8 in one year was great for him. And he loves challenges, so pushing himself to be extra nice and extra helpful to his customers was a great character booster (now we just have to work on the general public realizing they should tip their pizza delivery guys and that it's not all built in!) I realized that it's not silly to have resolutions such as take a bath twice a month, or go on a family vacation and if it just can't happen in '09 (I'm in 3 weddings this year!), to have it planned in '09 and ready for 2010.
The economy is a downturn as we all know. Mainers are always ahead of the game in saving I'd say.. the state motto should be "scrimp and save". While I admire it ,I don't adhere to it as much as most, but I certainly heed the warning. Having gone through a bankruptcy as a kid I know what it's like to have
a lot and then have nothing and I know how to not spend. I find myself planning a lunch with my friends and hearing others say they are on such a tight budget these days they may not be able to go. I pause a moment and wonder if I should be as strict. Should I be like my brother and sister in law and have a budget that runs straight through next December. Frankly, NO. I can't do it. It's not me. And when we are really in a tight place I get resourceful. Rolling change, selling things we don't need, conserving food. Sure ok. I can admit it probably adds some unneeded stress. And don't get me wrong.. I do save and I don't spend frivolously, but we certainly aren't saving 3 months worth of bills just in case as Dave Ramsey suggests. Believe me, I wish I had $10K in my checking account plus everything else in my investments, but we live day to day and try not to touch the investments. Anyway, my point is that as hard as the economy is and how scary everything is right now, we're still ok and I'm certainly sitting tight and not doing anything major, but I realize that $10 at lunch is going to buy me memories that I'll always have and some time with my friends that my inner soul needs right now.
What I learned more than anything in 2008 is we can't get time back. Some become paralyzed by grief and loss and life continues to go on around them and they miss... a lot. Life won't stop. Death won't stop. Tragedy won't stop. But our ability to move forward, and create memories can continue. I've never lived my life with regrets, but I would regret having something else happen to another one of the people I love the most or even myself and not have the hugs, kisses and all the things that need to be said be said.
I find myself at a place of reflection and calm, yet also at a place of such turmoil. So here's to 12 months from now resulting in a piece of mind reflective of snowy afternoons and hot chocolate with marshmallows.
grief and stress I've had, reflect upon it, be thankful for what I have and move forward. If it were only that easy.We're all starting our resolutions. Jeff and I each have about 13. I found my myself taking away many of the resolutions that caused me to have to measure a success (or failure) and found myself adding more that caused joy or self improvement. Jeff made a comment about last year's resolutions and how he only finished one. That really sparked something inside of me. I was very passionate about.. "why is that a failure?" "Let's celebrate how much of it you DID complete!" He had resolutions such as read 10 books or earn $10K at his second job at domino's. While he didn't complete either, he was close and they motivated him. I think that in all the years I knew Jeff before that he'd read maybe 10 books combined, so 6 or 8 in one year was great for him. And he loves challenges, so pushing himself to be extra nice and extra helpful to his customers was a great character booster (now we just have to work on the general public realizing they should tip their pizza delivery guys and that it's not all built in!) I realized that it's not silly to have resolutions such as take a bath twice a month, or go on a family vacation and if it just can't happen in '09 (I'm in 3 weddings this year!), to have it planned in '09 and ready for 2010.
The economy is a downturn as we all know. Mainers are always ahead of the game in saving I'd say.. the state motto should be "scrimp and save". While I admire it ,I don't adhere to it as much as most, but I certainly heed the warning. Having gone through a bankruptcy as a kid I know what it's like to have
a lot and then have nothing and I know how to not spend. I find myself planning a lunch with my friends and hearing others say they are on such a tight budget these days they may not be able to go. I pause a moment and wonder if I should be as strict. Should I be like my brother and sister in law and have a budget that runs straight through next December. Frankly, NO. I can't do it. It's not me. And when we are really in a tight place I get resourceful. Rolling change, selling things we don't need, conserving food. Sure ok. I can admit it probably adds some unneeded stress. And don't get me wrong.. I do save and I don't spend frivolously, but we certainly aren't saving 3 months worth of bills just in case as Dave Ramsey suggests. Believe me, I wish I had $10K in my checking account plus everything else in my investments, but we live day to day and try not to touch the investments. Anyway, my point is that as hard as the economy is and how scary everything is right now, we're still ok and I'm certainly sitting tight and not doing anything major, but I realize that $10 at lunch is going to buy me memories that I'll always have and some time with my friends that my inner soul needs right now.What I learned more than anything in 2008 is we can't get time back. Some become paralyzed by grief and loss and life continues to go on around them and they miss... a lot. Life won't stop. Death won't stop. Tragedy won't stop. But our ability to move forward, and create memories can continue. I've never lived my life with regrets, but I would regret having something else happen to another one of the people I love the most or even myself and not have the hugs, kisses and all the things that need to be said be said.
I find myself at a place of reflection and calm, yet also at a place of such turmoil. So here's to 12 months from now resulting in a piece of mind reflective of snowy afternoons and hot chocolate with marshmallows.
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